I feel like I'm at that point in my life where I don't know where I'm going and I don't know whether I'm good enough to do what I want to do. I guess everyone goes through this at some point in their lives and I guess it's my turn. It's just weird because I feel like my life is out of order, and for those who know me, order in my life is how I LIVE. It's weird not having to wake up every morning to go to work, not seeing or talking with people you used to work with everyday, and not having to pack my lunch every night for the next work day. Things were always convenient, always comfortable.
So I've been at home trying to "find myself," trying to figure out whether I'm good enough to do what I want to do. A lot of people say I'm destined for great things, but it's hard for me to see. When is destiny going to hit me? I do feel like things happen for a reason and people always say that better things are to come, but I've always been the type of person who waits for things to happen. I don't usually go after things; I don't make things happen; I'm not ambitious enough. But I think I'm humble and I appreciate the things that come my way. I guess the question is, "Can I be both ambitious and humble at the same time?" I know some people who are, but that's the way they've always been and that's why I love them. And then I know some people who are very ambitious and used to be humble, but have now become richies who have lost site of what they've become. It's just hard to change who I am. It's like asking someone who's naturally funny to stop being funny. And I hate telling people to change who they are and I feel like I'm telling myself to do that, and I can't. I feel like I'm just not good enough.
