so close, yet so far

"So close yet so far - that's the story of my life," my co-worker tells me. I laugh and I say, "Ya know, it's kinda true for me too." I was so close to getting a job that I thought would be a great first design job...so close, yet sooo sooo far. I was so close to living on my own, being more independent, until I got laid off...so close, yet so far. I was so close to getting the ultimate dream job as a travelling food critic - I love eating and I love travelling, two of the most important requirements for that job, but how the hell do you even get that job??? So close, yet so far. I was so close to thinking I would meet that one person I would totally gel with for the rest of my life by the time I was 24, but sadly, I was only so close thinking it - no guy ever came along...so close only in my naive head, yet so so so far.

what did i get myself into?

I hate my boss...I guess hate is a harsh word, so let me rephrase that. I really really dislike my boss. I walked into this job not knowing what I was getting into. He had lied to me during the initial interview, telling me that their designs were similar to pretty reputable nonprofit organizations, and I saw some of their magazine covers and believed him. Turns out he not only lied to me, but also lied to some of my other co-workers as well. It's definitely not a good sign when on your first day of work, everyone, I literally mean everyone, who works there tells you how horrible the boss is and how horrible the work is, how at this place, any white space on a spread is prohibited. It made me wonder what the hell I got myself into. It's difficult getting used to having to take my lunches and breaks at a specific hour even though I'm not hungry most of the time, clocking in and out AND filling out a separate time sheet, and stealing photos and copy from other magazines and books without giving them credit and then putting their own copyright on them - yeah, pretty much plagiarizing and copyright infringement, but according to the company, they're not violating any laws because they're a nonprofit organization. It's so unethical, and the irony is that it's a religious organization. It's times like these when I wish that I had won the lotto, or that I was extremely talented in something, like singing, playing an instrument, painting, etc. But I keep telling myself that it's a job, and it's better to have one than not, right? But can I live with myself knowing that I'm doing something unethical even though it's technically not against the law? Or that I was so excited and passionate about designing when I walked into this place but none of that passion or creativity can be translated in any of the work I do?

The upside is that I love the people (except for my boss) - they're an awesome bunch. I feel like it was easy fitting in with them. It's hilarious watching my co-worker eat his lunch out of his desk drawer because he didn't have time to eat during our designated lunch hour and didn't want to get caught by our boss eating at his desk, or seeing some of them pretend to work but they're really napping or reading a magazine. But it's sad when people have to start doing "homework" (creative work on the side) to get their creativity out, and if they don't finish an assignment by the end of the week, they owe a dollar to the "pot." So who gets the pot you ask? Well, it's the person who finds another job and leaves that place first. If that's not motivation, what is?