parents - can't live with em, can't live without em

A few days ago, I was really frustrated with my mom. We had a few conversations about what kind of job she wanted me to find, what she thinks I should do with my major, and what she thinks I should do with my design skills. I was angry that she didn't support me, that she couldn't hear my side or understand what I wanted. Ever since then, I've been wanting to avoid talking with her because everytime we talk, it leads to that whole conversation all over again...and no thanks. So I decided to come home to visit my parents this weekend, hoping that that conversation wouldn't come up again, and so far, it hasn't really...well, maybe a little tid bits of it, but I can deal with that.

Through all of this business with my mom, I wondered why my dad never breathed a word. And I realized it was because he dislikes his job, a job he's had for 27 years, a job he wished he could've left to find something better, but didn't out of convenience and stabilty. So he didn't want to get in the middle of it, between my mom and I, because he didn't want to take sides, because he sees both ends of the spectrum. On one hand, he'd agree with my mom, that I should find something in the meantime to have an income, but on the other, he doesn't want me to get stuck, feeling comfortable with that job and never finding something I actually want to do. So my dad not saying a word - I totally respect him for that.

So it's Chinese New Year's Eve and every year since we were little, my sister and I would help our mom put together plates (which would be used as an offering to the Gods) and bags (which would be given to relatives and co-workers) full of candy and other goodies to get ready for the New Year, while our dad would sit in the living room watching TV. This year, it was just my mom and I, and it seemed like it had been forever since I helped her. It was refreshing to just sit there with her, seeing her smile, without me having that annoyed and irritated feeling I've been having of her for the past week. It was nice. It's weird how such a small event like this can make things a little better. It may have not fixed it, but it made it seem smaller than it was before.

Parents are mysterious people. They seem to know things that you think they don't know, and they make you angry, happy, and irritated, but you love them anyway. They are the two people in the entire world, besides a significant other, who can annoy the crap out of you in one moment but in the next, make you feel completely safe. You can't live with them, but you can't live without them.